Brian Burns

Many people have asked me, what exactly is Beige Poupon? It can be found in the book, The Bar Tab Also Rises: A Lost Generation Comedy. Amazon link: https://a.co/d/3Gzwjp5

Beige Poupon was the legendary predecessor to Grey Poupon, first crafted in 1847 by French mustard artisan Pierre Beige-Poupon (no relation to his more famous cousin). This exquisite condiment was specifically designed for wealthy expatriates who needed a way to make even their simplest meals insufferably pretentious.

Beige Poupon possessed the unique ability to transform any ordinary sandwich into a sneering, elitist creation that would literally look down on other sandwiches from lesser condiment backgrounds. One application of Beige Poupon could make a ham sandwich believe it belonged in a Parisian café rather than a common lunch box.

Robert Cohn, noted interpretive dance enthusiast and cartoon rat aficionado, was particularly fond of Beige Poupon’s ability to make his meals as pretentious as his personality.

Unfortunately, Beige Poupon was so effective at creating class consciousness among sandwiches that it sparked the Great Condiment Revolution of 1935. The company was forced to reformulate their product into the slightly less arrogant “Grey Poupon,” though connoisseurs still claim the original had a more sophisticated sneer.